Why did the teacher wear dark glasses?
Because the class was so bright.

What is the difference between a train and a teacher?
The teacher goes, "Spit that bubble gum out!" and the train goes, "Choo, choo." (Chew, chew.)

One day, there were 3 men and a captain. They all had to take one important thing on their trek through the desert. The first man came and the Captain said, "What have you brought along?"
"I brought along some water to drink if I get hot," said the first man.
"OK," said the Captain. "So what have you brought?" he said to the second man.
"Food," said the second man, "so if I get hungry, I can eat it."
"Good," said the Captain. "And what have you brought," he said to the third man?"
"I've brought a car door," said the third man.
"And why have you brought a car door?" asked the Captain.
"So if I get hot, I can wind the window down," replied the third man. (DOH!!!!)

Knock, knock
Who's there?
No-one
Thank goodness!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo hoo
Boo hoo who?
Boo hoo hoo hoo
Stop it, you're breaking my heart

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Let us out of here, it's freezing.

One day, a chicken walked into a library. He said, "Book, book!" and the librarian said, "I know you want a book."
So she gave the chicken a book and it walked out. In two minutes he came back, got another book and went again. This happened for two days non-stop. On the third day, the librarian followed the chicken, past the zoo, past the shops, to the park and to the pond. In the middle of the pond, on a lily pad, sat a frog. The chicken offered the book to the frog saying, "Book, book," and the frog replied, "Read it, read it!!"

What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a dozen eggs?
A very hairy omelet.

Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Why do skeletons not go to horror movies?
Because they have no guts.

Why did everyone run out of Hungry Jacks?
Because somebody dropped a Whopper.

Kid's Contributions:

Here's some from James from Melbourne who is 14:

Q:Why didn't the Irishman want to become a comedian?
A: He was afraid people would laugh at him!

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: A legless dog!

There were once three men, & they visited a magic slide, where whatever you said while going down it, you landed in. So the first man went down and yelled 'GOLD', and he landed in gold. Then the second man went down and yelled 'SILVER', and he landed in silver. The third man did not know that you landed in whatever you said, and as he was going down he yelled 'WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

Q: Why did the plane crash?
A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

Q: Why did Freddie fall off his bike?
A: Because Freddie was a fish!

Q: Why did Bobby fall off his bike?
A: Because someone threw a fridge at him!

Q: Why did the man drown?
A: Because he had no arms or legs!

Q: How do you see a flying saucer?
A: Trip up the waiter!

Q: Why did the bus blow up?
A: Because it had a bomb in it!

Here's one from Tami:

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

Here's one from Ellie, aged 9, all the way from Guildford, England:

Here's one from Mathew:

Q: Why did the monkey chase the amblulance?
A: na na na na na

Here's another one sent in by Dean:

Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep??
A: A Woolly Jumper!!

Here's another one sent in by Shayna:

Q: How did the cactus cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chicken!

Beth sent us this great joke, thanks Beth:

Q: How much did it cost the pirate to get his ear pierced?
A: A buck an ear (buccaneer)

Here's a few more that have been sent in -

What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink???
WA TA

Why did the horse cross the road???
Because the chicken was on vacation

What do you call two witches in the same room???
Broommates

Here's one from Robert Wood, thanks Robert
How do you join the navy?
Handcuff the sailors together

And another cutie from Walker Stewart age 8
What is a lambs favorite thing to eat?
Baaa Baaa Que!

Here's the latest addition from Shiva Nandiwada (maybe it should go on the Pirate Pages!!)
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
Because the Captain was standing on the Deck.